A Dude Named Pope
Mom doesn't like him very much but she sure is glued to the TV.
Mom: "He's got blood on his hands! How can he go to Africa and Asia, where people are dying of AIDS and tell them not to use condoms? And why can't women be ordained? We're a bunch of breeders to him, no more..."
I wonder what Pope thinks about the Spay Neuter thing. Does he ever think that we've got too many homeless animals dying in cages by the millions? Are there dogs in heaven? Did he ever have a dog? And why aren't there any dogs at the funeral?
Pope had the biggest parties I've ever seen. And his car was so cool because he could ride around without birds pooping on his fancy dresses. His house is VERY fancy but the yard is terrible. All stone and no trees, no grass, no shade, not even a shrub.
I guess people are crying because they'll miss Pope riding around in a gold hat with his hands up in the air talking about stuff they wish they could do but won't. It's the biggest bunch of guilty looking people I've ever seen. At least in Hollywood, they don't feel bad about the stuff they do.
These guys in long red dresses can really sing. They sing this beautiful, sad song, where they call out the names of all the saints. (If I understand it right, saints are dead people who saw dead people and spoke to more dead people.) Dad's been making fun of them, walking slowly across the living room with a red towel wrapped around his waist and a white napkin on his bowed head. He sings the song in Latin, except he changes the names of the saints to Rigatoni and Scungili or Cannoli and Puttanesca.
Dad: "oh, oh, oh, oooooooooh, Santo Spirito Spaghettini... Oh, oh, oh- oh, Santo Spirito Santo Fusili..."
This drives Mom into a laughing frenzy, where she can't even catch her breath.