Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Exotic hairless guests

A hairless Chinese guy has moved into the neighborhood and I don’t like it. Finn is very interested in him and she makes all kinds of flirty cooing sounds when he’s around. Mom invited the Chinese hairless guy and his mom to lunch and as soon as he walked in, he lifted his leg and peed on the living room floor. I don’t think he’s any kind of serious threat to me and I’m way more buffed than him. Plus, he’s got really creepy skin that gets pimples and sunburn, just like people. But Finn thinks he looks like a Rock Star so I might have to kick his ass.

The Chinese Crested guy and his mom both talk a lot but neither one of them makes much sense. His mom tried to convince my mom that dead people can be reached through a channeler but my mom thinks that channelers are a bunch of quacks.

Guest: “Don’t you dream about people who have died?”

Mom: “All the time!”

Guest: “Well that’s how the dead come to you! They come to you in your dreams!”

Mom: “Really? I thought that dreams were just random neurological synapses that play bits of memories in shuffle mode—sort of like an Ipod with personal data you’ve downloaded over a lifetime. No dead person has ever tried to reach me. They’re… dead. Even most live people I know don’t try to reach me.”

Then Mom’s friend made her Chinese dog play dead. The Chinese hairless dog got on his back and put his legs up in the air but his head wouldn’t completely touch the floor. So his mom held a piece of rigatoni up in the air and started barking out the order to play dead.

Guest: “Dead dog, dead dog. Come on, dead dog! Dead dog!”

I thought it was pretty weird that this woman was forcing her dog pretend he was dead, just so he could get a piece of rigatoni. Finley didn’t like it at all. She thinks it’s degrading when people force dogs to “play dead.” I think the Chinese guy lost a little of his Rock Star appeal when he groveled for a noodle in front of Finn.

Dad plays dead a lot in the Jacuzzi. He puts his head in and stays there floating, not moving for a long time, which worries me. All I can see is his back and the top of his head. Now that I think about it, the skin of the top of dad's head is all freckled. It looks like the hairless Chinese guy's skin. Mom always laughs when Dad plays dead but I don’t think it’s funny. If Dad died, I’d want to die with him. I'll tell you what. I wouldn't mind seeing that Chinese guy floating in the pool.

I don't know what Finn sees in this guy. Look at his skin. He looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Andy Warhol. He needs moisterizer and his peepee looks like an eraser head.


Blogger Pisser said...

Yipe...zombie dog!

Don't give Finn any ideas about Dad's head vs. the Chinese guy...she might start trying to get it on with his forehead when he least expects it...!

3:57 PM  

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