They made me watch the Oscars

That was the worst Oscars show of my entire life. But every year, it's stupid. A bunch of idiots get all dressed up at noon and sit in traffic so they can go sit on their asses for ten thousand hours next to other idiots who are more famous than they are. Then, they all gas a lot about how great all the crumby movies are and give themselves statues and cry for the cameras. I think they do more crying and phony posing on that stage then they do in the actual movies. When they get on the stage, they take a really long time to thank a bunch of losers who didn't even get invited to the Oscars.

I've never seen any of them thank their dog.

Mom says that most of the people who were thanked will probably all be fired this week.

You know what I can't figure out? There are a lot of animals in movies and they don't get awards, ever. They don't get credited. They don't get paid either. There are a lot of dogs and monkeys who have to act like clowns for these stupid movies. Horses have it the worst. All those old Westerns that Dad likes? Those horses are tripping and breaking their legs in every single movie. They're horror movies.

A friend of Mom's was here for the weekend with her little boy and he sat on my couch in my spot and insisted on leaning his head on me like I am some kind of pillow there for his enjoyment. He kept crying, "I'm hungry! But I'm hungry!" During a commercial, Mom gave the kid a popsicle to shut him up. He didn't even let me lick it once.

I don't feel good about it but I kind of bit the little boy. I didn't bite down hard or anything but I just wanted to let him know I'm not that into him.