Friday, January 30, 2004

Dad came out of the bathroom last night batting his own head with both hands.

"Jesus! I have ants crawling all over my head! I've always got ants on my head. I keep finding them around the back of my ears!"

Mom just laughs at him. "Lemme see," she says. "There's nothing on your head but freckles. Nothing. Not a hair, not an ant, nothing. But I know what I'm going to give you for Valentine's day. Oh, yes! I'm going to unleash an ant farm on your head. A whole bucket of ants to crawl all over you so it can finally be true!"

They are sooooo sick. On Monday, they are going to the lawyer's office to change Dad's will, because it hasn't been amended since Mom and Dad were married. This has lead to some very interesting conversations.

Mom: "What if I get breast cancer, lose my tits and lesions on my brain? You know there's a new study out that says if I have migraines, that I might have lesions on the brain and a degenerative brain disease! What if I lose my tits and my mind?"

Dad: "If you lose your mind and you still have your tits, you'll be ok. I'll keep you and wheel you around in a chair. But if you lose your tits, whether you lose your mind or not, that's it!" You're in the street. You'll have to scavenge around for bread somewhere under a bridge."

People think they are smarter than us. They're not. They worry about everything that hasn't happened yet. I just like a good nap, a good meal, a little bake in the sun. If they had one night, just one night on death row, they'd be happy now.


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