Mommy is very busy today, studying for a TV MOW. She's got the BBC on, practicing her English accent. How phony is that.

She is pacing in the garden, talking to herself and imitating Joan Collins for "Dynasty: Behind the Scenes". Sounds like a seriously bad movie if you ask me.

If she had a career anymore, this would ruin it. Why can't she just be happy being a has- been?