Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Sunny, 75°, on chair by the pool in the shade. Mozart on radio, Finley lying flat under the lemon tree, Zelda stuck indoors (ha ha), Daddy on the Disney lot and Mommy typing what I dictate.

We went down to the condo in West Hollywood yesterday to sell the last of Mom's stuff from her old life before she married Dad.

We ran into an old "friend" who told us about a tragedy (but only to people)! A friend of Mom's, X, is a real mooch who has been loitering around Hollywood for many dog ages "writing" and trying to blow some air into a non-existent career. He's always hanging around the pool in West Hollywood, talking about movie deals he's got going and name dropping.

That by itself isn't the problem. The problem is that he loiters in the Sunset Marquis (the hot hotel bar in LA) and the pool at the condo in very thin silk pantaloons with his exceptionally long dick dangling and no underwear. His penis almost reaches his knees and his balls are almost as big as my squeaky balls, huge. Like I could barely get my mouth around either one of them.

Well this X character has been living with a notorious call girl who has a drug and jewelry dependency problem and in his sweaty efforts to feed his hoor's addiction, he pitched a movie idea to Vin Diesel, the action star.

He must have had a good high concept one liner because Vin Diesel invited X to his house to pitch. As soon as XL entered the house, Vin Diesel's Rottweiler bit his dick and balls. You gotta give this dog credit. He acted out what most of us canines wish we could do. This is something I have been fantasizing about my entire life. I don't know how serious the physical damage was, but X was rushed to the hospital and then to the litigator's office.

Then it hit the trades. Mom says that if Vin Diesel's rottweiler munched off a vital artery or if he altered the looks or shape or inhibited the function of X's dick or balls, then X is going to own Vin Diesel's house and private jet. Mom says that this case is a no-brainer because X's dick is his only asset and he makes his living by having a big, long dick.

Mom thinks that if this doesn't go to trial, X's settlement could be worth more than Michael Jackson's little 11 year old sex partner's, which is reported to be around 20 mill.

This X, according to Mom, could easily take the case to trial if he doesn't like the settlement and he would win, because good litigators love high profile cases, especially ones involving movie stars and sexual organs.

Vin Diesel's dog is the one who should be getting 20 million a picture. He’s the action star to me.


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