Saturday, March 07, 2009

Barbara Bush Angers Pigs with Heart Valve Surgery

Pigs Protest Barbara Bush's Pig Valve

Pigs angry at Barbara Bush

Barbara Bush has had a pig valve implanted in her heart. The life-saving surgery has angered animal rights activists who think that the valve was wasted.

"She bought a brand new pig valve for her heart. Seems like her heart wasn't working very well," said animal welfare advocate Louis Lovedove. "A PIG saved her life; can you believe that? Think about it. She had a pig killed so that she could go on living. If you count all her Christmas hams, I wonder how many pigs she has used up in her life. This pig, though, is the pig that keeps on giving. I don't think she even had a heart before this pig was sacrificed."

A group of radical activists gathered around the hospital where Barbara Bush's heart was worked on, and ranted and pumped their fists. One middle aged woman who refused to give her name, wearing sweat pants and Crocs screamed at the top of her lungs,"Remember what Mommie Bush said about victims of Hurricane Katrina? 'They're underprivileged anyway, so [ living in the Superdome ] is working very well for them.' See? Her heart wasn't working any better than FEMA was, even then!"

"Poor pig---has to end up in that body," said a young activist wearing a beard and a 'Stop the Seal Slaughter' Tee shirt.

"She finally has an organ that matches her attitude," says comedy writer Kevin Flanneur. "It would have been easier just to put her brain in a pig. Personally, I'm happy for her because I want to see her live long enough to see her son to go on trial for treason."

Pigs around the country are deeply angry about the former first lady's exploitation of one of their own. "We deserve better than to end up rendered inside that woman," yelled a rescued pig at Animal Acres, a farm sanctuary outside of Los Angeles. "She spawned the biggest creep ever who then spawned a war and the worse economic collapse since the great depression."

Animal Acres was the seat of lively discussion late last night. The pigs got into a heated argument in the south barn. "I've never met Barbara Bush but I have met a few pigs and given the choice, I'd rather hang out with pigs than politicians or their stupid moms," said Harvey, a two hundred and thirty pound pig who was rescued from a slaughter house.

"Bring it on," he continued. "I'd like a nice honey- baked Bush for Christmas."

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