My Wife is Dangerous

My Wife Finley is Insane

She looks sweet and cute but don't let her fool you. I live in fear.

Our neighbor got a tiny puppy...it's smaller than a mouse. The teeny squirmy thing comes over here, barks and pees on my carpets. Finley thinks it's a toy and she plays with it for a while and then, all of a sudden, for no reason, she loses her mind and tries to kill it. I love Finnie but I don't understand how she can be that violent sometimes.

The other day, the mouse's mom had to go to Marseille and left the mouse here for hours. Everything was going great, Finley was playing with mouse's stuffed squirrel and then the mouse tried to steal back her squirrel from Finn. Growling like an ogre, Finley chased her into a corner and got her big barrel body over the mouse and put those jaws of death on it's walnut-sized head.

The mouse started squealing. Finn is seriously scary.

Mom: (screaming) Oh my God! That horrible dog is going to KILL the puppy! Oh my God!"

Mom ran over and grabbed Finn by the back of the neck and yanked her off the mouse.

Mom: "You're a HORRIBLE dog! Why would you attack a tiny little baby? What's WRONG with you?!"

That very afternoon, Mom, Dad, Finn and I went down Rue Meyerbeer to get our dinner and we ran into the two giant German Sheperds who live down the block. These guys are like two NFL Linemen--unneutered hairy muscular guys with giant teeth and mega balls. They could knock me over with a tail wag. Well Finley started an argument with them! They weren't even looking in our direction and she has to mouth off. It was so embarrassing. So of course I had to act like I would protect her but I was terrified.

It's a good thing their owner dragged them down the Rue de France, away from Finley.

Then this morning, we went to the boulangerie to get a baguette and Finley tried t attack a seeing eye dog.

Mom: (yelling) "What the fuck is wrong with you? You're going to fight with a seeing eye dog? Are you out of your fucking mind? Jesus!"

I guess I'm pretty lucky she likes me. She never even growls at me. She humps me all the time and cleans my ears.