Thursday, December 22, 2005

Suspended from Hollywood

I think we've been suspended because Mom and Dad were bad. Well Dad was bad and Mom is just old.

Dad is so disgusted with show business that he completely forgot he had a meeting. He was a no-show with the head of reality programming at some network. While we were getting water logged in the Jacuzzi, Dad’s agent called.

Dad’s agent: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Oh, just having a glass of wine in the Jacuzzi with my Minky.

Dad’s agent: “Your Minky? What's a Minky?"

Dad: "My dog, Minky... Jinky, Stinky, Minky. We're having a glass of vino here in the hot tub."

Dad's agent: "You had a meeting you were supposed to go to! They’re calling to find out what happened!”

Dad: (laughing) “Oh, man I’m so sorry…they’re not going to do a show with me anyway. I’m just a pre-holiday schedule filler.”

That’s how out of it Dad is this week.

Dad: “Reschedule it and I’ll tell them my idea for a show where a desperate guy kidnaps a bunch of network execs and throws them into a putrid swamp—an alligator-filled jungle. Every episode, one of them gets eaten by a giant snake or mauled by an angry gila monster.”

Mom’s not doing much better than Dad. She had a pre-holiday audition for a show called Cold Case and she’s really depressed about it because the name of the role is “Old Sloane.” Apparently, this show is about young criminals and old witnesses and guess what Mom would play.

So Mom went and read for the old role and she got called back for producers. Call backs are hard on Mom because she always gets the same feedback.

Mom’s agent: “They LOVED you but they are going another way.”

Mom: “I get it. They LOVE me but they love someone else more, is that it? I’m done. Get me outta here. I’ve had enough rejection this year.”

Then Mom and Dad made plane reservations for us to leave Hollywood and go back to Nice, France, Europe so that they wouldn’t kill themselves this holiday season.

3 Comments:

Blogger Yeah, him. said...

Enjoy your holidays!!

7:32 AM  
Anonymous melanie said...

Well those people are obviously stupid because your mom totally rocks.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Pisser said...

Not killing yourself this year? What a festive, alternative way to spend the holidays!

Cranky's friend Henriette Mantel does a bit about all the descriptive adjectives used to describe the parts she is sent out for. Things like "hatchet-faced" and "not at all attractive." I should record it, it would make you feel like a million bucks! :)

2:12 PM  

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