My parents are boring
It's New Year's Eve and Mom and Dad can't figure out what to wear. Mom wants to look "nice and hot." So she's now tried on about a thousand different outfits trying to look like both of those things and nothing is working.
Dad's actually going to change. He's going to finally take off his euro-excersize outfit, a sleeveless number that is the exact same color of his skin...pink.
Dad: "I'm going to wear the green plaid jacket."
Mom: "Oh, I LOVE that jacket. You look so handsome and Irish in it."
Then Dad started to shave while Finley barked her head off at the firecrackers and I tried to nap.
Dad: "It's been ten years since my Dad died, ten years that I've had diabetes, I haven't excercized in ten years and I'm a worthless shmuck."
Mom: (painting her face in the mirror) "You have such a low opinion of yourself, you must think I'm really worthless then. I'm just your tick."
Dad: "No, you're a woman. It's a five letter word for tick."
Mom: "That's nice for New Year's Eve. I'm your tick. Thanks a lot. "
Dad: (wiping the rest of the shaving cream off his face) "I'm just lucky some dumber people than me gave me a lot of money. Money made by people smarter than both of us."
Mom: "So you're a worthless shmuck and I'm your tick."
Dad: "That's right, I'm a piece of shit with a lot of money and you're the tick that feeds off me."