We got fired by our housekeeper.
Our house is pretty grimy. At the end of the week, we’ve got food, dog and cat hair, puked up left-overs and mud caked into the floor boards. The beds and couches all need a good airing out and piles of underwear and socks litter the bedroom.
That’s when Consuela comes over. But she’s not going to come over any more because she hates Mom. She hates Mom because of the books Mom has on the coffee table and because Mom doesn’t go to Church every day.
Consuela doesn’t want to dust the coffee table until Mom removes certain books. Consuela wants to burn the books in the fireplace. The books are: “Sex Lives of the Popes” and “The Devil, a Visual Guide to the Demonic, Evil, Scurrilous and Bad.”
Mom and Consuela don’t agree on certain issues. Mom thinks these books are fun and informative and that the house can be cleaned for $20 an hour without being harassed by a grand inquisitor with a dust mop. Consuela wants Mom to burn in Hell.
Mom believes in tolerance and she thinks people should believe whatever they want. I believe in Santa Clause and Mom doesn’t but that doesn’t cause any problems between us at Christmas. I also believe in the tooth fairy and look forward to losing my teeth when I get older so I can find treats under the pillow. But Consuela is always trying to convert Mom and it doesn’t work.
Consuela: “What are joo doing for Easter this jeer?”
Mom: “You ask me this every year, Consuela. I’m doing exactly what you do for Passover—nothing.”
Consuela fired us the next day. I’m glad she fired us. She didn’t like me or Finley or Stupid Kitty. She would always look at me from the corner of her eye like she wanted me to drop dead.
We got a new housekeeper who likes us now.