Sunday, October 30, 2005


Stupid Kitty has no idea that the even stupider kitty down the street was found in several pieces last week after a meeting with a coyote. Mom hardly ever lets her come out unless she's on a leash but when Stupid Kitty does come out, she's really happy about being able to stink up the garden furniture and maybe get a chance to kill something.

Sometimes, she'll get lucky and catch a really dumb, slow fly that's too stupid to move. This makes her happy.

I don't want her to get eaten or anything like that, but I'd sure like to see a big fat crow swoop down and poop on her head. It would be so cool to watch a nice fly by and guano-drip right between those creepy non-blinking eyes of hers.

Dad calls that "schadenfreude," that great feeling you get when something lousy happens to somebody else. It's Dad's favorite thing, I think. Like today, he was dancing because someone he knows had a bad box office weekend gross. (That's the pile of dough that a movie makes opening weekend and if it doesn't do well in the first two days, the movie dies.)

Mom was looking up the "opening weekend numbers" on some dumb movie and it had bombed. Dad was so happy! You'd think he had just found a pile of money because he was twirling around and pumping his middle finger in the air just because the movie had flopped.

Dad: "Ha ha! Hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you get! You didn't want to consult me about making it funny! 'Cause I'm old. The old bald man. That's what you get when you put out movies with the young sensibility, the kind of movie that's hip and in touch with what young people want to see, huh? Penis and snot jokes, right Jinky? By next week, it'll disappear, you pompous, superior melon head. Hee ha hee!

Mom: "I read for that movie! He could have hired me and at least had one funny scene but no! Wow. What a bomb! All bad reviews. Did you see? All D's and F's.

Dad: "I hate critics unless they hate something I hate and then the morons are all geniuses. Hee hee hee."

Then the Yankees lost and Mom and Dad were delirious. They were having a real schadenfreude night. They were jumping up and down and dancing. Dancing because a team lost!

Mom: (screaming out over the balcony so the whole canyon could hear her) "Whooooooooo! Wooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Dad: "OK, OK, that's enough! Can't tempt karma. Remember when I got all excited when Dennis Miller's show got canceled and a day later my show got canceled?"


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