Emmy Meltdown and hurricane Incompetence

Emmy meltdown

Well, we suffered through another long night of Emmy baloney. I don't know how many more years I can take sitting in front of the TV watching a bunch of idiots congratulating themselves with gold statues for the "work" they do on television.

Like every year, none of these selfish morons thanked any of their dogs. None of these show biz phonies even mentioned that tens of thousands of animals might have died in Hurricane Incompetence (that's what I call Hurricane Katrina).

Actresses in ball gowns clutched their Emmys and tearfully pleaded with the audience to help those people down there in Mississippi and Louisiana but not one of them talked about the thousands of dogs and cats left there to drown or to die of starvation. These people make me want to throw up.

When the longest show on television was finally over, it was way past Minky time. Dad was depressed.

Dad: "Well, I'm officially out of the business! All those people are going to do better than me."

Mom: "That's not true."

Dad: "Yes it is and I'm going to make sure of it."

Mom: "You're going to make sure that you don't do anything at all?"

Dad: "That's right, I don't have the talent. Nothing I write is funny."

Mom: "That's not true, you're very funny. You have talent, you just don't want to write anything."

Dad: "I can't write. I have nothing to say."

There are two Emmys with Dad's name on them just sitting on the shelf by the television and still, he finds a way to be depressed. Most people in this stupid town would kill for one of those silly gold statues. Dad uses one of them to flip burgers on the barbecue and he used the other one to kill a tape recorder in a fit of anger.

This morning, Dad cheered up. He found a big pile of money in a bank account he had forgotten he had. The thing is, that's just a temporary happy feeling he's got, not real happiness. Real happiness comes from successfully chasing a squirrel completely out of my garden and scaring the poop out of a giant hawk who thinks he can come around here and drink the water out of my pool.