Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Going out Wide and Cunt Rocks

Last night we had people over again. Ach... I had some food from the table, but not enough. Whenever there are people here, we get less food, which makes no sense because there is so much more food on the table. It's like Mom and Dad are embarrassed to let me get up on the table in front of their Hollywood friends. When it's just us at the table, I hang out and eat right out of their plates. I drink Mom's tea and I sleep on the table too. I drink wine and beer out of the glass. And I always do the pre-rinse cycle on the dishes before they go in the dishwasher. But when people are over, it gets all phony. We get stuck on the floor while Dad gives out all kinds of bogus advice about writing and Mom tells people exactly how to date.

Finley's smart. She gives up and goes to nap on the couch in the Den, at the other end of the house.

What a bore they all were last night, gassing on and on about a script "going out wide" on Monday. All these people do is gripe about not getting recognition from other people who are whining about the same thing. Going out wide seems like a stupid idea. That's like if I made an original pile of poop and gave an agent or a tick 10% of what I've got to go out there and promote me to every single person in Hollywood. I can see it now: an obnoxious flea from CAA goes out wide and jumps on every studio exec about how talented I am and how I should get a big development deal. A giant mound of shit on Sunset Boulevard with my name on it. Produced by, Directed by... Jinky.

They went out wide, all right. They all ate so much, they could hardly get out the door.

After everybody left, we all got into bed and Mom was hitting the bedsheets with the pillow.

Mom: "What are all these little rocks in here? It's like there's sand in the bed!

Dad: "Those are cunt rocks. My mother told me about them. It's when you don't use your pussy for a long time and you get little crystalized cunt rocks that get in the bed, that's all."

Mom: "You're truly revolting, you know that?"

I know what it is; I've seen the cat go under the covers right after she gets out of the littler box.


Blogger Scott W said...

At least Chester and I won't have to worry about cunt rocks! I love your blog, Binky!

4:14 PM  
Blogger Pisser said...

Me too...I have the same problem. No matter where I put the litter box, gritty kitty litter finds its way into my bed. It doesn't matter what kind you get, either - they all track like hell.

And my old apt. mgr. accused me of "leaaffing jour CAT rrrocks" on his porch, but it was the neighbor shaking out her rug out there, not me :P

10:02 AM  

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