Thursday, November 18, 2004

I will bite mon dentiste

I’ve been told that I’m going to have to get my teeth cleaned. I guess my teeth aren’t quite white enough—not up to Hollywood standards. I suppose braces will be coming soon. Mom and Dad have been discussing whether I should have my teeth cleaned here or in France. This is the inane conversation that was the background for my nap last night.

Mom: “Jinky’s teeth are filthy.”

Dad: “I know. So are Finn’s. Look at them. They’re brown.”

Mom: “We can’t let it get out of hand, you know; if their teeth get infected, it could spread.”

Dad: “I don’t know how they’re going to do Jinky. He’ll bite the dentist. He can’t wear a muzzle and get his teeth done.”

Mom: “Maybe we should have it done in France. "

Dad: "I've never noticed the dogs' teeth in France. Are they better?"

Mom: "I don't know."

Dad: "The people's teeth aren't so great."

Mom: "They take better care of their dogs than themselves. Besides, it’s cheaper there and they’re used to dogs that bite. All medical stuff is cheaper in France.”

(It’s true, even the dogs are rude in France. Mom was bitten by a French Bulldog in the Parc Massena in Nice.)

Dad: “OK, we’ll do their teeth in Nice.”

Great. I’m really looking forward to the trip now. Can’t wait to go to Nice for Christmas and have some Veterinazi scraping at my gums.

My parents are such hypocrites. Dad has cancelled or been awol for his last SEVEN appointments with his dentist. It’s gotten to the point where Doctor AHHHHHHN (sounds like a big yawn) has to call ten times to make sure that Dad actually knows he has an appointment to get his teeth cleaned. He’s supposed to go this Saturday but he’ll probably flake. Mom skipped her last cleaning too.

My teeth are whiter than theirs anyway. And I’m not the one missing teeth. Dad is missing a tooth in the back and has a mouth full of crowns. Mom’s had a bunch of root canals. I'd like to see either one of them rip apart a squeeky toy in one minute flat.


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