Saturday, November 13, 2004

Blue State Baloney and actress cuntlets

Mom and Dad are finally accepting the fact that a moron is going to be running the country into the ground for the next four years. They were pretty obsessive about it and threw an election night party that turned sour after my bed time. The house was full of depressed Hollywood types moping around and shoving food in their mouths while they watched the Red states bleed all over the map on CNN.

The more states they lost, the more they ate. They were loud and they took over the entire couch.

It really was a typical night here in LA. A bunch of drunk losers sitting in a mansion whining about not getting their way.

Mom took me to an audition this week. I sat in the bag on the floor and watched all the actress ladys' legs. About thirty of them were sitting there, talking to themselves (reading the part aloud I guess). They were all way too old to be in micro-minis, but Mom said the role was for a sexy Mom on "The Mountain." These TV actresses had knees that looked like elephant knuckles.

Morgan Brittany was there. I don't know who the hell she is but Mom made a big deal about her being on a series in the 80's. The woman had a big round paunch like a Kangaroo pouch or something that she had squeezed it into a tight dress with giant flowers.

All the ladies made cooing sounds when they noticed me in the bag. "Oh! Look! He's SO CUTE," they said. "Look at his teeth!"

While they were admiring my underbite, I was looking at all their thespian gashes.

From where I was sitting, I could see up every one of their skirts. There was a whole row of badly crossed legs, right in front of my nose. 60 lumpy thighs, hoping to walk into that "producer session" and land a lousy role on TV.


Blogger Harrison said...

Hey there, Jinks. Glad to see you're finally out of mourning.

I'd say I'm sorry--except--I'm not. Oh well. Kerrylitter sank himself among the dog set with that Swift Boat Dog story he tried to put over on us.

But on a high note, y'all should be celebratin' now that Billy Boy Boner's Branch Library is available to the public. It must have been quite an event seein' it...

Oh, and have your Mom give you rawhide chews for your teeth. We get those flip chips to chew--and when they're good 'n mushy, we leave 'em lyin' around for AHM to step on with bare feet. They keep our teeth clean and provide hours of fun watching AHM jump around on one foot yelling "Ew... ew... EW!"

Did your Mom get that gig on "Raven?"

Have a safe trip to France. Too bad your Mom and Dad couldn't move before the election. Maybe they'd be happier.


8:59 PM  
Blogger Roonie said...

You are one clever writer!

1:44 AM  

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