Bread Winner

I’m the bread winner of the pack now. I got a book deal.

I feel sorry for Mom and Dad because my career is taking off and both of their careers are buried like an old bone. Neither one of them is making any money so I’m going to have to take care of them.

I got a small advance and I’m going to get a publicist to maximize sales because we’ve got a lot of bills around here. Mom and Dad are going to have to cut down on their spending habits, like shopping for silly stuff they don’t need.

It’s kind of weird between me and Dad because he wanted to be the one who had a book out and here I am, a dog, and I’ve got a publisher.

I explained to Finn that I’m not going to do the Hollywood thing and dump her for a younger, hotter bitch.

A really close friend of mine, the guy who created “That 70’s Show” is bringing my project to Universal to see if they want to develop a series for me. This is killing Mom.

Mom: “I can’t believe it—Jinky’s going to get a series and I’ll have to audition to play his mom! And then they won’t give it to me. I won’t even be able to play myself! They’ll want to go younger!.”

Dad: “Maybe you can get a small part in it.”

Mom: "Well I hope at least you'd get to write on it."

Dad: "The best I could do is get hired to do punch up. And I bet if I thought up a line for my character, some pinhead network guy would tell me 'I don't think he'd say that.' But he's me. You telling me I don't know what I'd say? Then the network guy would say 'well, he is you, but younger.' So you're saying...I can't remember what I've said?"

Mom: “Oh, please. You know what? They’ll probably want a store bought, pure-bred dog to play Jinky.”

Dad: “Jinky can’t play himself. He’ll bite the network people. He’s the only honest guy in Hollywood.”

I don’t care if they get a real actor to play me because the important thing is that it gets made so I can help my old cell mates and get them out of the shelter.