Saturday, September 18, 2004

We went to Montecito yesterday to visit Mom's dad. He calls me his grandog and he lives near the greatest place on earth--the BEACH!

Mom and Dad were happy to be getting out of Hollywood for the day "to get away from the nitwits." On the road, they were counting the Bush/Cheney stickers on the "gas guzzling SUVs"and Dad was calling the drivers Gasholes. Personally, I think I would like driving around in a giant house like that. It's just really tight in there with fat Finn taking up all the room on Dad's lap.

Just when Mom and Dad were beginning to relax (which is really hard for them lately, because of all of their real estate buying), they ran into Grandad's neighbor, Dick Wolf. He had an old Rodhesian Ridgeback and he had one leg that was definitely longer than the other. As soon as they got within pissing distance, Mom, Dad and Grandad got real phony and it wasn't like we were just playing on the beach anymore. His dog was cool though, just hanging out with his tongue hanging out.

So while Finn and I bounced around, my people stood there, waiting for Dick Wolf to finish his cell call. I found some sea weed and pissed on it. A nice, long, salt water piss. Then Finn tried to roll over on a dead seagull. Right after that, she took a giant, runny dump that got stuck in her ass hairs, which Dad had to clean with his bare hands in the ocean.

Dad said it was like mustard squirting out of her ass into the sea. Then he wiped his hands on his "outfit"(his new Patagonia sweat suit that he never takes off. When Mom washes it, he waits for it to come out of the dryer, so he can put it back on) and shook Dick Wolf's hand.

Later on, when we were driving home in our non gas guzzling Z4, Mom said she was pissed that she had to meet Dick Wolf looking like a "shlump" in Grandad's sweater and baggy jeans. I'm glad she's not going to be on Law and Order anyway because then she'd be out all the time, which I would seriously hate.


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