Don't do that again!

Lunch, far from the pound.

Yesterday, we were all walking around, trying to all fit onto the teeny sidewalks they have around here. I swear, the sidewalks are wide enough for two fleas, that's it. I was trying to stay in between Mom and Dad and Finn was planted behind us like a ball and chain, sniffing one drop of someone else's pee, like it was the secret of the universe. Whenever we try to go anywhere together, it's a total knot of indecision, with each one of us going in a different direction, barking and shouting. We get all tangled up in the leashes, Mom's high heels, Dad's man-bag straps and we look like an angry cluster of hornets out on a stroll.

Slowly moving forward, we ran into a French woman in a short skirt and a helmet, riding toward us on her motor cycle, ON the sidewalk! She was coming straight for us and Dad quickly pulled us over to the side but Mom dug her spiked heels into the coblestones and stood there. I thought the woman on the motorcycle would run her down but Mom wagged her finger in the woman's face and told her off in French.

Mom: "The sidewalks are for pedestrians! Get off the sidewalk and onto the road where you belong! All you people think you can just ride the sidewalks on your motorcycles! And don't do that again!"

The woman, who looked like some kind of accountant or lawyer, was shocked, like she had been smacked in the face with a dead cat.I don't think anyone had ever talked to her like that before. But that's my Mom. She likes to tell Dad what to do but he won't let her, so she takes it out on strangers. But she was sort of right this time.

Later, with friends of Mom and Dad at dinner, Mom dropped her enire dinner onto her lap. While she was trying to get it off her pants with a fork, the whole meal slipped off her lap and directly into Finley's mouth. Finley acts dumb most of the time, but she sure knows how to get some extra food. She had positioned herself exactly where it was hanging off Mom's knee, opened her trap and let it all slide in. She spit out a slice of lemon.

Then Mom called the waiter over.

Mom: "I hate myself. I dropped my entire meal on the floor."

The waiter looked under the table and saw one lemon rind and four eyes. He took the plate away, shaking his head.

Dad: "That's a great trick...a great way to feed your dog an expensive restaurant meal."

I got nothing. Finley looked at me under the table like I was an idiot.

A half hour later, long after everyone else had finished eating, the waiter brought another dinner plate for Mom.

French Waiter: "And don't do that again!"

Finally, during desert, Mom dropped a glob of Chocolat Fondant (melted chocolate pudding cake)and mandarin orange sorbet onto the cuff of her pants. I cleaned most of it off. It was delicious.