Friday, February 08, 2008

Jinky, Dog of a Hollywood Wife reports Paris Hilton admits to having dog mill in her home

Paris Hilton is breaking the law big time. She's about as useless as a tick. She went on the Ellen show today and admitted to having 17 dogs in her house! She's a WHORE-DER! And to top it off, she admits to them having puppies all the time. "They keep having babies," she says, laughing.
Doesn't she know about the spay/neuter law in Los Angeles? Maybe I need to go to some nightclubs and show her my empty ball-sack.

Click here to see her act as dumb as a ringworm.
I can't get over how some humans just don't get it. All my old cell mates are waiting at the pound, dying everyday, and Paris Hilton is laughing, making more dogs in her dog factory while she's out drinking and partying. A lot of those dogs are litter mates, which means they shouldn't be inbreeding. One of these days, Paris Hilton is going to come home drunk and find a new-born litter of three-headed retarded chihuahuas on her pillow.
My mom went ballistic when she saw the footage.
Mom (yelling to Dad): "This is outrageous! Animal Control should go over there and bust her! I know rescue people who are SCRAMBLING to find foster homes because they are maxed out in their own homes with 5 dogs. And here she is, this vapid and deeply stupid woman, the star of a sex tape, hoarding and neglecting 17 animals!"
I'd like my kitty, who has irritable bowel syndrome, to squirt out some loose and stinky poop drip in her favorite handbag.


Friday, February 01, 2008

L.A. City Council Passes Spay Neuter Ordinance

Jinky, Dog of a Hollywood Wife reports on Los Angeles City Council decision to pass the spay/neuter ordinance. (photos by Elle Wittelsbach)
Read the LA Times article by Carla Hall here. For canine point of view, read on...

Today was a good day for dogs. The LA City Council voted 9-1 to make people take off our balls and to get rid of whatever it is bitches have down there that makes them pregnant. That means that we can all have fun humping now without anybody saying "Stop that!" We're going to have wild safe-hump parties and safe-hump orgies all over L.A. to celebrate. We still get to have all the play balls we want, even neuticals (those fake implant balls).

It also means that L.A. bitches won't be wearing those stupid heat pants (hot pants for dogs). FYI, I didn't particularly want to get my balls taken off, but I'm an active guy and this gives me a lot more freedom at the dog park or in Runyon Canyon. I can now walk right up to any bitch, sniff her butt and say, "hey, let's get it on!" without freaking her parents that the outcome will have my crazy underbite.
This is my wife Finley, humping my boyfriend Lamby. Risk-free-safe humporama with no consequences! YAY!

Another reason I like this new rule is that big, scary dogs that normally would like to kick my ass might be a little calmer now. They won't be so aggressive and it sorta evens the playing field for us. AND my vet says I'll live longer. Many more years of happy and safe humping.

Here's Councilman Rosendahl, the only guy who voted NO! He made a really silly speech about how he likes his cats to "roam." Gee, I hope they don't get eaten by coyotes. And he called the spay/neuter ordinance "fascist." What a big load of cat poop. Hey, did somebody pee on his tie?
You know what's really creepy about Rosendahl? He wanted to pose with Bob Barker, my hero, BEFORE he voted no. What a phony.
Mom went to the City Council meeting today and came back all excited. She was acting like she had just inherited a million bones. She's really happy because it means that less dogs will end up at the pound. I was on death row and I can tell you it's no fun. I'm lucky to be alive. I have millions of old cell mates in the shelters and dumb humans keep breeding more and more puppies while we die for no reason.

Mom: (to Dad) : "You should have seen the breeders getting up to speak in front of the city council! The spay/neuter people were all glamorous and smart. It was like ivy league genius runway models versus donut-eating hicks. One idiot got up there and embarrassed herself by saying how they 'have to train immigrants to be responsible pet owners.' Can you believe that racist crap? Another woman actually had the NERVE to get up and say, 'My dogs are MY PROPERTY! I do what I want with 'em!' See, that's the problem. These greedy pet trade morons think of dogs, our best friends, as property."

My wife Finley is NOT property. She's a lady (who sometimes eats her own poop).

When Mom was going through the metal detector at City Hall, her bra set off an alarm.

Cop (to Mom): "Uh... m'am, you have some metal on you? You wanna come through here again please m'am?"

Mom: "I think it's my underwire bra."

In other news today, some people who REALLY hate animals set off another 2 bombs in Bagdhad's pet market. Why would anybody want to blow up a pet market? Everybody talks about how many humans died, but as usual, not a single reporter even mentions that a whole bunch of animlas were blown to bits. I send my most virulent farty wind in the direction of the animal-hating terrorists in Iraq.